"Freedom To Marry": A Review, My Experience and the Battle Ahead

I needed this. In the last few weeks the America I thought I knew fell flat on its face as we elected Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States. That's the first time I've typed that sentence in full and it still doesn't feel real.  I, like millions of other Americans felt an almost debilitating combination of boiling rage, stunning confusion and a profound sense of sadness. As I went through a haze the last two weeks, I kept reminding myself that as a straight, white male in America, I wouldn't be affected all that much. That brought little comfort because so many people that I care about will be. You can try to reassure yourself, "It's only four years" you've probably said to yourself. We all know that's just a lie though. We live in an uncertain, scary time and as we begin to embark into uncharted waters, I attended a screening of the film "Freedom to Marry" at the 35th Annual Three Rivers Film Festival. Like I said, I needed this.

"Freedom to Marry" kicked off the 3RFF this year and I cannot think of a more appropriate film to do so. A fast paced, oftentimes humorous documentary that tracks the 100 days leading up to the Supreme Court hearings on the legality of state bans on same sex marriage. Simultaneously, the film works as a biography of the man who started the fight over 30 years ago, Evan Wolfson. The screening also worked as a homecoming of sorts as Wolfson and the film's director, Eddie Rosenstein, both grew up in Pittsburgh. You fall in love with Wolfson almost immediately. He's an affable, friendly guy and cuts right through the bullshit in conversation. This is a guy who has seen and done it all and as a gay man himself, equal marriage rights are as important to him as anyone.  He's waded through constant adversity and he'd be forgiven if he were bitter but at every turn he faces during the film, he does so with a sense of warmth and wit to spare. While Wolfson's career and fight are the through line, Rosenstein expertly weaves many other players in and out of the film. Some of the key figures are Mary Bonauto, a Civil Rights attorney who's a key figure during the SCOTUS hearings, a Lesbian couple from Michigan, April and Jayne who both stand in as every LGBTQ couple who want to have the right to marry and Brian Brown, founder of the National Organization for Marriage, the film's "antagonist." Focussing on Brown for a moment, what Rosenstein does well is to give the opposition a voice. This film is clearly on the side of equal rights but in any battle it's important to let both sides vocalize their fight. If you're far-left leaning like myself Brown can come off as a bigot but the film never plays him that way. I think it would be a disservice to call him that. He's a deeply religious man and it's unfortunate that his beliefs are so steadfast because he truly believes he's doing the right thing. Rosenstein never plays Brown (or other anti-Same Sex Marriage advocates) as the villain. He just lets them talk. They speak their backwards rhetoric but you get the sense that these are just people.

For a film that covers not only a 100 day period but the life of Wolfson, the film moves a nice clip. It never feels like it spends too much time on anything and feeds you just the right amount of information. There's a flip book effect that the film uses to show you snapshots of where you are in history as it moves back and forth through time and it serves the narrative well.  You're never overwhelmed by the data but always overwhelmed by the people in the film. As the fight drags on, you're pulled along with them. Every setback stings and every victory is a shot of adrenaline that picks you right back up. Because the characters are so genuine and passionate, you have such an easy time being emotionally invested. Mary Bonauto's tenacity is palpable and as she strides into the hearing the crowd outside chants "Go Mary Go!" It's almost "Rocky"-like in its pacing. The film bobs and weaves through hit after hit and the most effective moment is when the decision comes down from the court. Rosenstein, in a brilliant move, plays the reveal quietly. As the tension builds and potential decision days come and go, you're wringing your hands in anticipation. Because this is recent history you know the ending but because this is such an intense and entertaining film you become so caught up in it that you forget. And then it happens, almost as an afterthought. Our film's major players are all in different locations either watching tv or refreshing their internet browser and it just happens. There's a slight pause and then the jubilation hits. The score rises, the tears fall and the cheers echo across the country. It's unspeakably powerful and I wept like I hadn't in years. 

(From left to right; Vic Walczak, Legal Director of ACLU-PA, Evan Wolfson, Eddie Rosenstein and Kathryn Spitz Cohan, Executive Director of Film Pittsburgh)

As you can see from the photo, the film was immediately followed by a Q&A with Wolfson, Rosenstein and Vic Walczak, Legal Director of ACLU-PA. This coupled with the film helped to drag me out of the daze I'd been in for almost two weeks. The film itself was already an inspiring affair showing what can be accomplished when one man stands up and asks "Why don't I have the same rights as you?" but the Q&A is where the real fire came from. This film was picked to open the festival well before the election came and went and I imagine under different auspices that it would've have played as a celebration. Instead it was even more emotional because of what we could face in the near future. The film itself is a celebration of life, love and the persistence those things bring but under the current climate it serves as a reminder of what we have to fight for. Every question posed to the panel had to do with where we go from here. Wolfson, as inspiring in real life as he was on film, had the most powerful message. He made it painfully clear that it's not going to be ok for a lot of people in the coming years. There is going to be pain, suffering and heartache. However, after making sure that we knew what was at stake, Wolfson told us that in this pit of despair there is a glimmer of hope. The main point he made is that we need to start with a conversation. The film shows the power of one to one conversations between supporters and non-supporters. Hearts and minds can be changed if you just talk to someone, not yell or insult but talk. He reminded us that humans are complex. Just in North Carolina, while the people voted for Trump, they also voted "NO" on HB2 (otherwise known as the Transgender Bathroom Law). Clearly people had reasons to vote for who they voted for that didn't solely have to do with hatred. That's why Wolfson made it so clear that we need to start with a simple conversation and get to know our fellow Americans. He started his Freedom to Marry fight with only 27% of the country supporting it. By the time the SCOTUS made their ruling public opinion was at 63%. Minds can be changed and people can be moved.

That's what I learned at this experience. We're all just Americans trying to make our way through the world. Yes, there is legitimate hatred from many people but it would be a disservice to write everyone off under that umbrella. Reducing someone who might otherwise be level-headed one thing can lose them from your side much quicker and it's a battle within ourselves that we constantly need to fight. Evan Wolfson ignited a stronger sense of empathy in me that I wasn't aware I had. I'm always going to feel anger and sadness over what's happened this year and there's always going to be a large part of me that will feel a resentment to the people who let this happen. However, if Wolfson, a gay man whose life work is standing toe to toe with bigots and winning, can find the best in people so can I. And so can you. It's going to be a long, long road ahead. As someone with privilege I'm going to do everything in my power that others suffer just a little less in these uncharted waters. Evan Wolfson, "Freedom to Marry" and the brave fighters depicted made me painfully aware that there's more to this fight than crying on Facebook every day. If anything I've said here about the film, Mr. Wolfson or my feelings has moved you in any way, I encourage you to join me in the fight ahead. I look forward to seeing you there.

(Evan Wolfson and I; Photo Credit by Nathan J. Shaulis/Porter Loves Photography)

To learn more about "Freedom to Marry" visit http://freedomtomarrymovie.com/

To learn more about the 3 Rivers Film Festival visit http://filmpittsburgh.org/